Let me tell y’all my Wednesday morning story. Gather round children. It is gonna be juicy.
So I left home tired as usual. I have been trying to find some other job to do as the current seemed not to be working for me. As I got to the bustop I had that Eureka moment. I had found the next career path. I was gonna be a bus conductor.
Hold on folks, hold on. Let me finish the story.
So I found out, you can hang on any bus. You don’t need to know the driver. Just call the bustops and don’t collect his money. So I did that. I was pumped up for my next career role. Who knows in some years I could climb the corporate ladder and become a driver.
So I started. “Hunrennara baga sekteriat”
(100 naira, berger, secretariat)
“Wole pelu change o. Mi o ni change o. Mi o le ja o.”
(Enter with some change, I can’t fight)
At each bustop I will jump down and hustle passengers for him.
“Maami e wole bayi. 100 naira baga sekteriat”. One person was asking if he could enter with 1000 naira. In the usual dramatic way, I closed the door and yelled
“Oga mi e gbe bodi”
(Boss, let’s go)
I was soaking in everything. It was an adrenaline pumping experience. Mad stuff. Well, till I almost died. Yep, your MCM would have died this morning.
We got to this bustop, picked passengers, and the NURTW guy was asking for money. My new found boss, wouldn’t pay. So he stepped on the gas, ready to leave. I was there yelling, watch your side, watch your side, oya, e gbera.
Few moments later…
The NURTW guy was running at full speed and yanked me off the bus. I kid you not. I almost died. As I felt his pull, reflexes took over and I was able to land on my feet. The nigga followed me with a right hook. I dodged, and sent mine across his face. Before you know it, they were separating fight. He nearly killed me over 100 naira. When they wouldn’t let me touch him, we resulted to insults.
Ori iya o pe.
Ori baba e lo pe.
Ode oshi and the likes. He suddenly retorted, fine boy, e mi lo n bu be.
(Fine boy, it’s me you are insulting like that)
Let’s pause a bit
New name 1 : Fine boy.
Let’s go for a commercial break.
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Back to the story:
The other touts agreed that this tout was wrong to pull me off. The driver had come down and started telling them I am not even a conductor. I was crushed. I had endured the first hour on the job and he didn’t even believe in me.
I wasn’t a good enough conductor.
After everything, we were still hurling insults. The driver didn’t pay him still, and was ready to move again. I was still cussing that other nigga out. We kept at it till the driver started yelling, Sunday! Sunday! Ja ma lo.
Name 2: Sunday.
I had become Sunday.
So when you see me, put some respeck on my name!!!!
Fine boy Sunday. The crazy conductor.
Moral of the story.
Don’t use 250 naira perfume when you plan on hanging on a high speed bus.
Thank you for coming.