Tales 'n' Trends

Diary of a Yoruba Corper: The Shame

Diary of a Yoruba Corper

Dare! Dare!! Wake up

I heard a female voice say to me while shaking me up from sleep.

Stirring up from my sleep, I looked at the bed & realized I was in an unfamiliar bed.

Slowly, the web of sleep began to clear from my eyes & as I remembered where I was, I smiled to myself & thought maybe it was time for round two.

“See Dare, there’s trouble ooo” Cynthia said to me.

“My Soldier boyfriend is around & he’s looking for you” she added looking frightened.

“Cynthia, please stop this kind of joke jare” I replied & slowly sat on the bed.

“Where’s that Yoruba boy that has the confidence to come & sleep in my fiancé’s house? I swear to God, Agam egbu mmadu taa!!” I heard a thick voice saying from outside the door.

Suddenly the door opened, three hefty looking soldiers walked in & grabbed me.

Aye mi, te mi ba mi” I screamed as I was dragged outside the room in my boxers.



I boarded a bus going to Owerri as my LGI instructed I brought some documents for him at the NYSC Secretariat in Owerri.

I was barely sited when the nice scent of love & potion perfume hit my nostrils. I shifted & signaled to the incoming passenger to sit beside me.

She was a demi-goddess. Just like freshly baked bread, she looked invitingly hot. Her lips were perfectly shaped. Her eyes shone bright. Her lips were truly mesmerizing. And her breast looked like a freshly plucked water melon fruit. She looked 24 as described by Flavour N’abania in his Sexy Rosey single.

“You do know it’s not polite to stare for too long right” she said.

“Damn! The voice is even sweeter than I thought. And she speaks clean English” I said to myself as I stared a bit longer again.

“I’m really sorry for staring. I was just trying to remember the name of your perfume. It’s Oriflame’s love & potion right?” I asked her.

“Wow!” she exclaimed.

“I’m surprised you know its name & maker sef. Are you a marketer or something?” she asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m just a gentleman who likes to smell good & appreciate others who smell good also” I replied.

“My name is Oluwadamilare & I’m certain you’re the Rose Flavor talked about in the ‘waist 34, hips 44 & you’re 24’ line” I added.

“You’re definitely not serious” she said as she laughed.

An hour later, we got to Owerri. I waved as she boarded a cab & it drove off. But not before knowing her real name was Cynthia, she schooled in Federal Polytechnic Nekede, an ND II student in the department of English and of course we exchanged mobile numbers.

Over the next few weeks, we chatted on whatsapp. I called her, she called me. We even made video calls often but she kept declining my constant offer of visiting her. I knew she was feeling me & I was feeling her too. As expected of a normal Nigerian babe, some days she will be very hot for me & other days, she will be like an ice block.

She told me she had a boyfriend who hasn’t been around for couple of months. I told her I had no girlfriend (don’t hate me) and I’ve been celibate for over 14 months (I don’t even know what that means). I kept moving the vehicle of my love towards her but her emotional traffic light was switching between green & red. As a law abiding citizen, I stopped whenever I saw red & I obeyed & moved forward in her direction whenever I saw green.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my joy knew no bound on Saturday April 15 2017 when she called me. In her words, she said “Dare, I’m tired & need someone to talk to. It’s been a tough past few weeks for me & I feel the need to let off some steam. If it won’t be much trouble, do you mind visiting me in school today or tomorrow?”

In my usual style, I replied “Today, tomorrow & forever, I’ll always choose to visit you. If that’s what it takes for you to believe how much I love you, I’ll do so for the rest of my life. Expect to see me soon”. I stood up & got dressed.

I kept repeating Reminisce’s “Wa fe ku laleyi (x2) Ma teso ju e laleyi” line in the Te soju e single as I alighted from the bus in Owerri.

Her hostel was a twin three-storey building containing about 10 rooms on each floor, thereby making about 80 rooms in total. Hall A as it was called was for ladies while Hall B was for boys. I made my way to the second floor where she lived on knocked on Room A25.

“Hey Baby” she said as she opened the door for me to come in.

“You smell so good as always” I said as I hugged her & made my way into the room.

With so much confidence, I relaxed my shaky nerves as I sat on her bed. She had on a bum short which revealed her thighs.

Damn! No thigh has ever looked sexier. My eyes trailed her hips as they swayed slowly to her every movement. She returned with a glass of cold water. As I stretched out my hand to receive the cup, she bent over a bit & my brain couldn’t describe what my eyes just saw. All I know was, I came here to die there.

Igaghi akwusi ikiri anya, okwaya?” she said.

“Errrmmm, I’m sure you know I don’t speak fluent Igbo. So please translate” I said to her.

“You stare too much jur” she said as she looked away.

“but I kind of like it” she added.

Seconds became minutes. Minutes turned into hours as we gisting, catching up on previous experiences & playing when I looked at the time & it was 7pm. I told her it was getting late already & I needed to take my leave.

“So you’re tired of me already? Or am I that boring?” she asked.

“No babe, you ain’t any of that. I just thought I let you know since we didn’t mention me staying the night” I replied as I held her hands.

“Would you like to stay the night with me?” she asked.

“Yes! Yes!! And a Yes!!! In fact, I could stay here until Angel Gabriel blows the trumpet” I added.

“Then please stay the night with me” she said to me with gooey love eyes.

Next thing I knew, we were just lying on the bed and just cuddling in the slight darkness of her room (trust NEPA people to always look out for their brother). No words was being said between us but our mouths kept moving into each other. Soon, I was lying on top her & I lifted her tank top.

Remember the saying “One thing must kill a man”? Well, I’ve always known mine was going to be big breasts. I could be talking about agriculture but when a lady puts my head on her big breasts, I could recite 1 to 30 billion. Before I could say Jack, my head like blue band butter was already been cradled between her bread bosom.

I said the words “Home sweet home” as I slowly floated away to the other side.

Not only did I sleep as soon as we were done (you know, you know!!), I was dreaming that I was dreaming.



I was dragged like a bag of rice from Cynthia’s floor to the ground floor. As soon as we got to the ground floor, they dropped me down.

Everywhere was still dark and as soon as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw Cynthia kneeling & begging someone. I looked up at the guy she was begging & as soon as our eyes crossed paths, he moved closer to me & landed a heavy slap right across my face.

As soon as the slap landed, I was thrown into another realm. The stars appeared closer than they usually were. My head was spinning right in the center of these stars & the “Wa fe ku laleyi” sound was the background music. There & there, I knew I was the one who was dying this night after all.

As I came back to reality, I realized almost every occupant of the 80 rooms stood outside their room as they watched my death unfold in tiny little phases. I remembered the words of my mum “Ranti omo eni tiwo n shey” when she called me a week ago.

Slowly I got up to my feet & scanned the area for a clear exit. I knew the only way I could get out of this alive was to make a run for my life.

“Musa, tell that boy to do frog jump round this hostel 100 times” the boyfriend said as he struggled to get Cynthia off him.

“Bros Musa, please I beg you in the name of God, I will never do this again” I said as Musa approached me.

“Kai, me I go die today” he said as he brought out his koboko.

I knew I had to run or else it was over.

I ran & ran as fast as my short legs could carry me.

Even in the obscurity, I seemed to know my way & I kept on running & running.

Brethren, the shame I felt that day wasn’t funny at all.



Words in Italic are Igbo words while Words Underlined are Yoruba Words




Pen Name: MystiqueWrites

I am a writer who deeps his readers in his simple, relatable yet ravelling fictional world as I take them on a ride in my world. Welcome to my world!

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