Tales 'n' Trends

Diary of a Yoruba Corper: The Guest

Diary of a Yoruba Corper

I checked the time once again and it was a few minutes past 10 am. I stood up from the bed finally.

I haven’t been this anxious about an occasion in a while.

I was finally invited to my first wedding reception in the East.

I was newly posted to serve in Imo state and just last week after 2 months and 2 weeks, my Principal asked me to join him as a guest in a wedding reception to be held in Owerri.

I was about to show them here that no one enjoys parties as much as a Yoruba boy.

“Them go hear my name,” I said aloud as I brought out my favourite black Agbada outfit.

Fifteen minutes later, I stepped outside the compound as I walked towards the Mr Okoroafor’s compound.

Ututu oma ooo” I greeted in my wobbly Igbo language.

Nnabata Corper” a female responded.

I smiled as I knew it was Chioma responding to my greeting.

“Is Daddy ready to leave?” I asked.

Ee! Anyi na-abia” she responded laughing.

“Wait, my Igbo language isn’t that strong yet ooo, but I guess it means he is coming,” I said.

“See! You’re learning fast. We are coming” she said.

Few minutes after, we drove out of the compound as we headed to Ihiagwa in Owerri.

“Corper, I like your cloth ooo. Will you help me sew one?” Mr Okoroafor said as he looked at me through the mirror.

“Sir, this style is for young Yoruba boys ooo. E no go fit you” I replied laughing.

“As Ekwensu that you people are nau” Chioma laughed as she spoke.

“Yes ooo, Yoruba Demon and Proud forever,” I said slightly hitting my chest.

It was few minutes past 1 pm when we parked in a congested street leading to the house of the celebrant.

I walked slightly behind as we moved into the compound few metres from where we parked.

“Omo! This Chioma is a fine girl ooo. Igbo girls are truly blessed with hips. Just look at how round her hips and breast are. Damn!!!” I thought to myself.

Ehihie Oma oooo” I heard Chioma greet a small gathering sitting close by.

She pointed towards a table with seats around it and said “Sit here; Let me greet a few other family members. I will be back soon so you don’t feel bored”

“Please don’t stay long. I hate to be bored” I replied smiling.

Apukwana” she said as she walked away.

Truly, she was back in less than two minutes.

“See my opportunity to talk to this girl ooo. But wait, Principal would kill me if he finds out ooo” I sighed.

“Is anything wrong?” she asked.

“No jare. Mi oo fe ni wahala pelu Daddy e jo” I replied.

“Corper, what are you saying in Yoruba?” she asked.

“Chioma, you won’t understand,” I said hastily as I saw her Dad & Uncle approaching us.

As soon as they sat down, a junior wife brought a crate of beer and dropped it under the table. She smiled & said “Nri n’abia” as she took her leave.

A hot bottle of my favourite Star Lager beer was handed to me as Chioma’s uncle declined taking beer because he was on malaria drugs.

“Corper, looks like this is for just you & me to finish,” Mr Okoroafor said.

“No problem Sir. But it’s not cold at all” I said.

“Corper, you’re in Ihiagwa not Lagos ooo” Chioma sarcastically replied.

I had just finished the first bottle when another junior wife came to our table carrying two bottles of Andre. As she walked away, she said food will soon be here.

“Chioma, open one bottle of Andre & give me little. You can drink out of it too” her uncle said.

Anarom anuu mmanya” she replied.

“Just open & give me one cup. Corper will help me finish the rest” he said as he looked at me.

I nodded in response.

Soon after drinking the remaining Andre, I opened the second bottle of Star.

“Chioma, won’t you go & remind them about the food?” I said

“That’s true sef. Biko Ga juo ajuju” Mr Okoroafor added.

She left & returned after a minute.

“They said we should give them 10 more minutes,” Chioma said.

Soon after taking the third bottle, I felt the need to ease myself.

My eyes suddenly felt blurry as I tried to stand up.

“Chi, help me shift your chair backwards I wan go piss,” I said.

“Are you okay? This one you’re standing like PHCN pole so?” she replied as she moved her chair.

Baba e PHCN pole. Omaale jatijati. Olorun o ni gba fun en” I cussed as I moved.

Suddenly, the ground looked taller. I could swear it was even swinging as I proceeded.

“The Devil is a liar. Wo fe doju timi ni le onile. I won’t fail my people” I cussed further as I got to where we parked earlier.

I felt the urge to throw up as the noise around me grew louder.

“Corper! Corper!! Corper!!! Stand up”

I opened my eyes slightly as the voice sounded familiar.

“Stand up!!!”

I looked around and realised I had passed out on the floor just behind the vehicle when I bent down to throw up earlier.

Chioma was trying to lift me up as a group of older women stood by to watch.

Onye anuruma” one of the women said as she spat on the ground.

I closed my eyes and prayed for the ground to swallow me.

Chaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!! I messed up.



Words in Italic are Igbo words while Words Underlined are Yoruba Words


Full Name: Falaja Oluwadamilola

I am a Computer Science graduate from the Federal University of Technology, Akure, Ondo State. I’ve always had the passion to write stories & articles.

Pen Name: MystiqueWrites

I am a writer who keeps his readers in his simple, relatable yet ravelling fictional world as I take them on a ride in my world. Welcome to my world!

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Snowflakes April 6, 2018 at 7:04 PM

Niceeee 👍👍👍👍 next pls


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